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Resentment's Hold (Originally Published 2/27/2023)


I work really hard at staying in my feminine. You know, the place where you can connect with your source. Where everything flows in just as you need it. The place of being rather than doing. So when the flow stops (of ideas, understanding, strength and life force), I know that I have moved out of my feminine center. For me, this is a red alert. The chaos I am experiencing signals that my spiritual immune system has been compromised, and one of the seven vibral viruses has taken over and somehow blocked my energy (fear, guilt, greed, jealousy, hatred, anger or resentment).

 

I think we all have one or two of the seven vibral viruses that lurk in our subconscious energy fields. Technically the recurrence of these energies is, for most, a lifelong challenge. Just like the human body is DNA encoded for certain physical traits and conditions, the spirit is also encoded with spiritual DNA or SDNA. SDNA provides the spirit-being-having-a-human-experience with all of the tools to cope with life that the spirit being needs. DNA cannot be overcome. SDNA, on the other hand, supplies traits and conditions designed to guide one's spiritual enhancement, growth or change.

 

For me, it's often the idea of resentment that infects me and gets my attention. Over the years, it has manifested as pneumonia, fat, masculine tendencies and bad relationships. Usually accompanied by anger, when resentment finally gets all of its claws in my vibral energy, I crash and burn. That's to say, my days are filled with a sort of volcanic bubbling that finally erupts. I start to realize that I have moved from that place of comfort/peace/joy/love blah blah blah to one of arguments, illusions, impatience, and aggressive and dominating behavior. In my younger years, the resentment "infection" sometimes lasted for years. I'm much smarter now. I recognize the signs of the lingering infection of resentment for which there is no chemistry to fix, although many of us try street and prescription drugs or alcohol, thinking our vibral infections will be cured.

 

This time it was over the fact that my husband did not stand up for me in a familial dispute. My God, can’t he just once take my side…see my point of view? Now my husband is a gem in himself. This isn't really about him anyway, although he ultimately suffers a little from the consequences of his actions. This was about me not being truthful with him and myself. I should have told him how I felt and not just moped around. I should have helped him understand that it matters to me that he takes the time to see my side of the story, to hear the backstory.

 

The cherry on the cake – the straw that broke the camel’s back came 4 weeks after my birthday when no token of his love was offered for my birthday. We had a lovely Sunday. Tennis before church, kayaking after church, after which my husband retired to the couch for football, and I worked in my beloved garden. Gotta love that garden of mine – it’s the one place where truth exists without illusion.

 

I came in and sat for a while watching the ball game (he loves when I do this) with him, touching him, complimenting him, etc. I got up and putzed around for an hour making dinner. When I announced dinner was done, he asked if he could leave the TV on during dinner. (He knows I feel dinner is the one time of day; there should be no outside distraction if there's going to be any intimacy between eaters). It was some old Andy Griffith movie that he'd seen 8,000 times. Of course, I said yes, after all, if you have to ask…

 

Well, the party was over for us. I immediately became cold and left him after dinner to the dirty dishes and Andy Griffith. Worn out and bubbled over, I finally got the message Soul has been sending for at least this lifetime and maybe more – I wasn’t truthful!!! In review of the last 4 weeks, I noticed that in the last three days, I was lying about stupid things to strangers such as my age, people I know, etc. That is most unlike me. I was fearful of losing money and friends – again, not like me. Guilt was getting a small grip (one of my very least liked energies – it can be SO draining) on me when I responded badly to an employee's sweet question. WHO AM I? Sheesh!

 

The garden of truth, ah, yes. Resentment got in because I lost or avoided my truth. Husband – get your sweet ass out and hunt for the best gift you can buy for me because I deserve it – I am a great wife! No, you cannot damn well leave that TV on during dinner…does it always have to be about you??? My truth –

 

For me, I have learned I have to rewind to the core issues and resolve them so resentment and anger can be released from my vibrations. I set aside some time with my husband and lovingly let him know his lack of effort for my birthday left me feeling unloved and unintimate. That we made some commitments to each other…to always be truthful, and I have failed that commitment. My fault. But that he, too, has an obligation to be more sensitive to my needs, and he agreed.

 

Resentment, at least for now, has found some other electromagnetic being to attach to. For the moment, I am free and back in my beautiful feminine energy of receptivity and magnetism. Will I ever be done being a victim of resentment? I sure hope so!

 

AFFIRMATION: I am one with my truth!

“I'm Catherine Wilcox, working to help others see that God is in all things, all the time, through conscious change and self-healing.”

If you have found this message enlightening, please send it to one friend.  This action will help my vision of a more enlightened species to help usher in the new healing Age of Aquarius.

Catherine Wilcox is a Conscious Change Coach, Mentor, emotional intuitive and Writer. If you like what you read here, then you may enjoy one of her Published Books:

**Catherine’s latest Book, The New Stone Age, Crystal Data for the 21st Century, contains ten chapters of information designed to help the novice and intermediate crystologist obtain the secrets to working with crystals to help the four mind-bodies balance chaotic energy.

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